While finishing up his BA in Political Science at SFSU, Greg relapsed. For the next ten years, throughout law school and launching his career, Greg made his life function while still using.  Short bouts of productivity were followed by binge drinking.

“I was a tornado of destruction during that time,” he says. “Always trying to repair relationship collateral damage only to repeat it over and over again.”

Still, his growing passion for practicing law grew stronger and drove him forward. He joined the traveling mock trial team in law school and did well.  “I discovered I was decent at presenting arguments and cross examinations,” he says. “And I really, really, loved it. My drive for wanting to be a lawyer superseded my addiction for quite some time.  Criminal defense became the passion of my life.”

An internship with the San Francisco Public Defenders Office led to an offer for a post-graduate job with the local law firm owned by his idol, criminal defense attorney Tony Serra.  “A dream come true,” Greg says.

Greg’s star continued to skyrocket, and all the good he worked so hard for continued to pour in. As a newly-minted attorney, he served as Serra’s co-counsel on major cases throughout the state of CA – a privilege normally not extended to brand new lawyers.  Serra quickly gained confidence in Greg and began to funnel him important cases.

“He believed in me, and knew I could handle the larger cases,” Greg said. “But as a new attorney, I doubted myself.  I never said no. I wouldn’t admit I felt inexperienced – so I took it all on.”

At one point, Greg had 50 clients across the state and was enjoying the amenities of a successful career. “I was living large,” he said. “Thought I was a big shot – had it made.”

As courtroom appearances became more frequent, Greg knew he couldn’t afford to present under the influence of alcohol; but as his stress mounted, he looked for alternatives to cope.  He found a dealer who could provide a variety of ‘benzos’ – sedatives that would lessen his anxiety and go undetected.

Greg quickly developed a stellar reputation and was well-respected within his professional circles. As pressure built to sustain that level of achievement, even the benzos weren’t enough to silence the noise in his head.  In a moment of desperation, he tried heroin. And as all the voices went silent, Greg inherently knew he had just passed the point of no return.  Instantly it became a daily necessity.

Soon, Greg was the lead on a notorious murder trial in Modesto that dragged on for months, much longer than anticipated.  When not in the courtroom, Greg found a new crowd of folks who were active in the local drug world and met a girl.  Finally, the case wrapped; and meanwhile, many more cases back at the office had been piling up, needing his attention.   As Greg was driving out of town, headed home, his girlfriend called, pleading him to stay.

“At that moment, as I was turning the car around,” he said, “I knew I was making a pivotal decision that would change everything.  I literally never really came back after that.”  Quickly, everything began falling apart.

Friends, family and colleagues began looking for him.  As his life unraveled, Greg hid out in hotel rooms as he did drugs, constantly trying to bury his awareness that everything he worked so hard for was slipping away.  The money ran out just as he received notice that his license to practice law had been suspended due to his failure to respond to several complaints from the CA State Bar. Shortly thereafter, he was disbarred from the practice of law.

An expensive daily habit with zero money left meant finding new means of income. Greg learned how to operate in this arena and was taught the ropes on retail theft and stealing cars.  Nine months later, Greg re-entered the court system thirty pounds lighter as a criminal with an auto theft charge. His former colleagues were sure it was a mistake. Until he came back again.

“The heroin addiction is such a horrible, powerful thing,” he said. “The only thing that matters is not feeling horrible, which is a constant need.  Jails, institutions or death, that is where the heroin lifestyle takes people.”

Four months in the county jail followed.  When Greg was released with an ankle monitor, he was still using – but knew if he cut it off, he was headed to prison.   When he did eventually cut it off, he was on the run for months until getting caught, and then spent the next nine months in state prison.  When released to his dad’s house, his probation officer learned he was still on drugs.

“I was given a choice,” he said. “Back to jail, or Helen Vine Recovery Center for detox.”  Having lost everything, Greg knew this phase of his life was over and he was ready to embrace recovery.  He was admitted to the Center in February of 2018 and completed a ninety-day program.

“I walked into Helen Vine a convicted felon and a heroin junkie,” Greg says. “Never once was I made to feel like a criminal or drug addict – just a person who needed help. The counselors took a genuine interest in developing a customized program for me, versus applying the same ‘one size fits all’ general treatment plan that I’ve experienced elsewhere.”

Today, Greg has been sober for over three years and is working for several Bay Area attorneys as a legal researcher, writer and consultant.  However, he has much larger plans and is working on literally building his case for an ultimate attempt to reinstatement his license to practice law.

There is an established challenging process for reinstatement; the majority of applicants are not successful.  Greg will need to re-take the CA Bar Exam, as well as represent himself in court versus the State Bar of CA.  The ultimate decision, whether or not to grant licensure, lies with the CA Supreme Court.

“I’ll need to prove serious rehabilitation because I went so far off the deep end,” he says. “I’m eligible sooner, but I want to show five years sober to give myself the best chance and be fully ready.  Ultimately though, I want to be in a place where my happiness is not contingent on whether or not I practice law again.”

Greg continues to take steps towards rebuilding his legal career.  In addition to having recently completed the three-year Lawyer’s Assistance Program, Greg volunteers with The Other Bar (a recovery program for lawyers, judges and law students) and speaking at homeless shelters, law schools and in-patient rehab centers. He was recently recognized by Marin County Probation and earned a place on their ‘Wall of Change,’ which celebrates probationers who have successfully turned their lives around.

“If the Helen Vine Recovery Center did not exist, honestly, I don’t know if I would be sober,” Greg says.  “I would not have been able to detox on my own, which the other treatment center required for admission.  Ultimately, with the lifestyle I was living, there is a very high likelihood that I would be back in state prison or dead. There is no other program like it in Marin County.”

“I miss everything about being an attorney and being in a courtroom,” Greg says. “It’s the most fun I’ve ever had. But I will never lose my focus on continuing to do the activities that got me sober, cause that’s what keeps me sober.”

The Helen Vine Recovery Center has been the first step in recovery made by thousands of Marin residents.  Marin County’s only residential detox facility welcoming those with limited financial resources and a co-occurring disorder of mental illness and substance use, the Helen Vine Recovery Center was named in memory of a young woman who died because she was unable to find treatment for both of her conditions at the same time. Today, in partnership with Marin County Behavioral Health and Recovery Services, the Helen Vine Center offers a safe place for people like Helen to pursue recovery from both mental illness and substance use. This past fiscal year, the Center counted over 900 admissions.

“Katie was our lifeline,” Sandy says. “We began talking regularly. They educated me on what was happening and how to best navigate and address the situation.”

Buckelew Programs’ FSC Team strives to provide education, connection to local resources and support to family members and caregivers of adults and youth experiencing a wide range of mental health challenges.

Several months after connecting with Buckelew, Scott’s mental health decline resulted in an episode at the house that involved a broken window. Pushed to the breaking point, Scott’s brother told his mom, ‘if you don’t call the police, I will.”

The phone calls with Katie had prepared her well. Having been coached on how to effectively engage law enforcement, the encounter with police that day resulted in a heart-wrenching but helpful plan to assist Scott to access crisis mental health services at the hospital.

“I don’t know how I would have survived that phase of his illness without Katie’s help,’ said Sandy. “

“It’s so hard to watch your loved one struggle,” said Katie. “You can’t access services for them. We worked with the family to best prepare them for Scott’s return home.” Katie helped both Scott and the family navigate the “messy” process of assessments and encounters with doctors. “His paranoia made him struggle to trust anyone. We supported him throughout that time, encouraged him to ask questions and engage with staff to access the services that were fitting for him.”

Once home from the Crisis Residential Unit, Scott signed an agreement with his family that he would take his medication regularly and keep his doctor appointments. Katie connected Scott to case manager, John, who would interact with Scott regularly. John also enjoys many of the activities that Scott used to engage in. The relationship turned out to be transformative, resulting in Scott’s renewed interest in getting his life back. For the first time, he had insight into his illness and was open to leaving the house. He stopped sleeping all day and looked forward to his time with John.

“Prior to his connection with John,” Katie said, “Scott’s anxiety and internal stimulus was so extreme he would completely sweat through his clothes before meeting me in my office. At home, he would hide under a blanket for hours and struggle with his paranoia. Developing a relationship with him took time.”

John’s impact on Scott’s life through his advice and support is on-going. Goals include gaining confidence in managing his anxiety and continuing to build social skills and independence. He’s playing guitar again. He’s looking forward to going back to local parks with John, a practice they had started prior to COVID-19.

Sandy is encouraged by Scott’s progress and is hopeful for his future. “I want to see him integrate back into society and enjoy life,” Sandy says. “To drive again. Exercise. Have a girlfriend.”

“Early intervention is so important,” Katie says. “The sooner we can provide support and education, the sooner that person and their family can start the journey to recovery. And recovery is unique and defined by the individual. They get to choose what their recovery looks like and what works for them. Scott has done a phenomenal job at that.”

“I can’t describe how grateful I am for Katie, John and Buckelew,” says Sandy. “Without their help, I cannot image where we would be. They have given us hope.”

“If people have support in their life,” says Katie, “they can get through pretty much anything.”

Julie remembered stories about other family members who had similar symptoms, but they were never diagnosed or treated.  For several years, Julie and her mom thought the behavior was related to alcohol and drug use – but even when Julie was sober for periods of time, the symptoms would continue.

“I finally acknowledged there could be a problem,” she says.  She sought out education about what she was experiencing with a local non-profit and she and her family came to accept that she has a mental illness.

“I’ve accepted it, but I don’t normally talk about it,” she says. “I don’t want to be seen as different. I’m conscious of the stigma out there. But I also want to do what I can to eliminate that stigma, which is why I’m telling my story.  People should not have to be afraid of being judged for having a mental illness.”

Having a diagnosis didn’t end the substance abuse; Julie experienced a period of homelessness, as she was repeatedly hospitalized.  When she would normally provide a fake address when asked where she lived, the last visit changed the direction of her life when she courageously revealed she was homeless.

It was then that Julie became connected with Buckelew Programs, beginning with a short stay at Casa Rene, then gradually moving into more independent living programs, all while being supported with therapy, case management and medical oversight.

As his addiction took hold, work became more elusive. He would enter treatment at his family’s encouragement, but the cycle of relapse resulted in homelessness and Darryl found himself living out of his car.  A fall out of a tree resulted in the fracture of both ankles and he was told he would never walk again.

“But I would get where I needed to go every day to feed my habit, rolling my wheelchair wherever,” he says. “The lifestyle was hard; I was truly tired and ready to take on sobriety for myself – not for friends or family.  For me.”

Teresa Bowman is a director at Buckelew Program’s Helen Vine Detox Center in San Rafael; she is also a long-term friend of Darryl’s family and was in regular contact with him, encouraging him to seek treatment.

When Teresa called Darryl with the news that a bed had just opened up, he knew it was time. “I was familiar with the existence of the ‘revolving door,’” he said. “I knew that wasn’t going to be me.  I was through ‘trying.’ I had made the decision to finally turn my life around.”

Soon Darryl was volunteering to help staff, stepping up to take on work projects and serving as an example to the other clients. “I took the program very seriously,” he said. “One of my biggest goals was to learn how to listen.  Because I don’t know everything.”

Early in his treatment, Darryl received news that his 19 y/o son had been paralyzed from a gunshot wound. Knowing how much his son needed him – now more than ever – to be whole and healthy only made Darryl more determined to succeed.

Today, Darryl continues to be an example for others in the program and has graduated to Buckelew Programs’ sober living environment (SLE) residential home.  Three other program graduates live there as well and continue to receive support services that keep them focused on sobriety while they work, and/or attend school.

Darryl has since launched his own one-man business, purchased a work truck and is enjoying the healing of relationships with his family.  Practicing his faith is a cornerstone of his daily routine, starting each morning with Bishop T.D. Jakes on YouTube.

“Today, my mind works in a completely different way,” he says. “Instead of focusing only on where I’m getting my next fix, I’m living a responsible life in the real world. I process information now. I am 100 percent present.”

“I no longer have to bury painful memories with drugs and alcohol,” he says. “I’m learning to live a normal life by taking on responsibility for myself that I’d been running from for years. I want to keep moving forward.”

And the cycle continued – for nearly two decades.  “It never occurred to me I was ill,” he says. “Even though I was experiencing evictions, homelessness and not sleeping, I was euphoric. I thought my time spent on Skid Row was ‘free paradise.’ I would become a completely different person, one who is unimaginable to me now.”

After his third hospitalization, David ‘had a moment of clarity,’ and took his sister’s advice to seek help. “My sister, a psychiatrist, told me there was a good program in Marin called Buckelew. That was six years ago.”

David was accepted into Buckelew’s Marin Assisted Independent Living (MAIL) program, where he has maintained stability and mental health.  MAIL program clients share living space in housing where BP provides comprehensive oversight of care.  BP service providers visit the homes three times a day and work with the clients to ensure meds are taken, chores are completed, appointments are kept and meals are planned for and prepared.

Emily McDonald is a Buckelew Program’s case worker. She meets with the housemates once a week to help plan meals and make a grocery shopping list.

“This program provides real homes for our clients,” said Emily.  “This is their home, their family.  Many clients have never experienced a warm, stable and supportive environment, like we provide. They are accepted and cared for here. It’s love and hope that we provide.”

“Buckelew was a lifesaver for me,” David says. “Prior to getting here, I didn’t have a regular doctor, much less a psychiatrist and therapy. They helped me establish routine and structure, to where I am OK, safe and stable. If this program didn’t exist, it would have been disastrous for me.”

Today, David still enjoys close relationships with his family members and is feeling confident about establishing new goals.

“I’m a grateful person,” he says. “I take nothing for granted – food, shelter, health. Just because of what I lived through.  For me, just to be OK is a big deal.”

The county offered recovery at Helen Vine. Once he was ‘all-in,’ he attended every meeting and volunteered for every available job. “I opened my mind to try something different, to try a path that wasn’t a guaranteed dead-end. There is a saying in AA – ‘Try something new; if you don’t like it, we’ll refund your misery for free.’”

Demar left for a sober living environment (SLE), but rode his bicycle daily to Helen Vine to attend morning recovery meetings. Soon, he was offered the position of assistant house manager with another SLE. More responsibility came with a promotion to house manager. At his second job, he went from cook to store manager. He took on the role of secretary for the large Helen Vine alumni group.

Today, Demar is working towards a career in the recovery field and is a registered drug and alcohol technician. He is passionate about building into local youth and volunteers regularly with several non-profits. He would like to one day open a Boys & Girls Club in Marin.

“My roots, my recovery foundation, my grounding – all happened at Helen Vine,” Demar says. “My closest friends were made here. This is the only recovery program that could have worked for me.”

Since opening in 1999, HVRC has helped more than 22,000 individuals overcome addiction, heal emotional trauma and develop the tools they need to transform their lives. Clients at HVRC become part of a large, supportive community of staff, peers and alumni who are dedicated to making their time in treatment, as well as outside of treatment, successful.

“Sophia is very skillful with regards to utilizing healthy coping techniques to manage her symptoms,” says Jessie. “She has a strong support system, which consists of community support meetings, a nutritionist and a case manager. She is very active in her mental and physical health recovery.”

Along with cooking and her emotional-support pet cat, Sophia enjoys drawing, almost daily.

“Drawing is very therapeutic for me,” she says. “It gives me something to accomplish as well as something to share. I always need to be creative otherwise my mental health suffers. There is a long history of people with mental illness bringing astounding pieces to the art world. I can be a small part of that world with my drawings.”

Josh was accepted at Santa Rosa Junior College, and began classes as a freshman, living independently and successfully navigating transportation to get to and from school. And even though he didn’t feel “good at it,” Josh was enjoying being in community with his peers and interacting with classmates. When the pandemic hit, the transition was abrupt and stressful.

“All of the sudden,” he says, “I was alone again, all the time. It was difficult.”  His GPA dropped as a result, but through regular support from his BP caseworkers, his GPA rebounded, and Josh was encouraged to pursue a four-year degree. In early August of 2021, Josh is headed to Columbia, SC, where he will major in African American studies at Allen University.

“Josh has been extremely successful envisioning his future and working with determination,” says case manager Christine. “He uses his good, if sometimes dark, sense of humor to learn new skills and achieve his goals. It has been such a joy to bear witness to this change in Josh and I am so excited for him to start out on this next phase of his life.”

Josh has a goal to ultimately write a “fictional novel based on reality,” and if he had the choice, he would love to intern with Marvel Comics. As he’s preparing to leave for school, Josh is “very excited” about his future.

“Buckelew made my independence possible,” Josh says. “They taught me how to successfully live on my own; manage my money. BP let me learn.  BP works. That’s all I can say.”

“By nature, I tend to be a ‘fixer,’ she says. “But that isn’t our role. We can’t cure every problem. We can only be with them in that moment.  But in that space, we have a tremendous opportunity to make an impact. The ones who call – part of them wants to live.”

“I still get nervous before every shift,”’ she says. “But once I get here, I’m OK.”